Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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