we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
