A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
