I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
