That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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