6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
