I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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