Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
