I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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