well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
