I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
