Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
