He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
