I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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