I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize