On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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