I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
