Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
