Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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