Don't you send me to vm
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
