yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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