i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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