Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
