I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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