Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
