You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yo dont text me then not text me
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
