I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
