dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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