what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
