I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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