Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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