i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm both gender and math confused
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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