I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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