census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
