Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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