I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize