im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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