I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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