I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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