They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
