what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
