I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
