You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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