I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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