a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Barsexuality is the new black.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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