omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
