11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
