Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
