just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
