Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
