It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think I have vodka in my lungs
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
