I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
