i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Its about making memories worth repressing
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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