My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
