I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
