True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
