I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
