the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
