First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
