chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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