R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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