I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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